The Breaking

i don’t want to break again

i sewed myself inside a shadow
with bloodless stitches
following painless patterns
hemming up the tattered pieces to hide alone
(i didn’t know how to mend them)
to present a flawless front
(“no i like it this way i’m too independent i like being on my own”)
inside myself i was safe
convinced that ignorance was the best remedy
and that repeating a hard-won lie could only make it true
(i don’t need anyone i don’t need anyone i don’t need anyone)
in time
unbreakable, even

and then you came along.

picking at frayed edges
with nothing more than a glance
unraveling strategic embroidery
done in carefully considered shades of denial
ripping out colorless sutures in transparent flesh
and forcing me to bleed blood i’d forgotten i had

please
stop
i don’t want to break again

just who do you think you are?
who sighed
and died
and made you
the bearer of my heart?
(unwilling as you may be)
not i
not i
not i
sigh
but i suppose i did.
so
if it means seeing blue eyes again
i’ll endure
the breaking
this one
last
time.